• Don’t Wait for Your Check Engine Light to Come on

    If your relationship is in a secure place, that’s something to be grateful for. The danger is in believing that the routine you’re in now will go on forever. Like a car, relationships need regular care and maintenance. Ignore your car long enough, and the check engine light comes on — usually only after serious damage occurs.

    With a car, changing the oil and rotating the tires are simple things that deal with many problems before they happen. Similarly, there are easy things you can do on a regular basis to help keep your relationship revving:

    1. Plan a ritual moment together, a regular moment — even a daily moment. This isn’t about the amount of time you spend together but rather a regular, brief connect to let your partner know you’re in this together. This is a time for personal sharing where it’s just you and your partner: No kids allowed and no household items on the agenda. It’s just the two of you sharing your feelings, your dreams, your hurts and your needs. That could be as brief as coffee time in the morning or a short walk after work — together is the point. It’s a message that says, “I’m here with you now.” Don’t forget to switch up those moments from time to time: Varying the ritual can help keep it fresh and new. And be sure that when you’re together, you’re actually present — no checking email or having the television on in the background. Ritual moments can be just everyday moments, but they’re important nonetheless.
    2. Remember and share a moment of special connection in the history of your relationship that was particularly important to you. Let your partner know the moment’s significance and relive it together. It could be the day you met, your wedding day, a happy milestone celebrated, or perhaps a time when your partner was there for you. Or maybe it was something that wasn’t so happy but meant a lot nonetheless: For example, when your partner reassured you after you lost that job and helped you feel you weren’t alone. Share and remember those important experiences together.
    3. Behind every great relationship is a great story. So create and tell your own love story about overcoming an obstacle as a couple or raising an amazing child. Maybe look back on a challenge within the relationship, and how you are now in a different, better place. Remember how you got there and how both of you were able to understand, change and evolve together.
    4. Write your happy ending. Imagine how your relationship will look five or ten years from now What dreams do you have together for the future? Envision how you’re going to keep the bond strong and make the dreams happen — together.


    If your relationship is stable right now, that’s terrific. Add some bonding to your routine to make sure it stays that way. But if your relationship’s “check engine light” is already blinking, you may need more than just routine maintenance. An experienced Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist can help you make the necessary repairs and keep your relationship on the road — for the long haul. Call us at 407-579-2070 for a complimentary consultation for in-person or tele-therapy services. We’re standing by to help.

    Therapy services available via Telehealth.