For many people, the word for being compassionate toward others is sympathy. But the better approach — with friends, relatives and of course significant others — is empathy. Sympathy is, “I see your pain.” Empathy is, “I feel your pain.” Empathy fuels connection, while sympathy can drive disconnection when the one sympathizing maintains an emotional […]
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Adult ADHD: 10 Things You Should Know
You probably know an adult with ADHD. Maybe it’s you, or your spouse or one of your grown children. The things you may not know about adult ADHD are that it can be a permanent condition that can damage relationships — and certain behaviors associated with ADHD can even shorten lives. For too long, ADHD […]
What Are You Afraid of?
“I’d really love to visit my mom for Mother’s Day, but I’d have to get on a plane.” Regina is terrified of flying, and the fear makes her feel weak. Phobias like the fear of flying, or aerophobia, are painful and scary because they provoke deep-seated reactions. Even though our logical mind tells us we […]
Your Internal Family: Finding Harmony in the Parts
“I’m of two minds about that.” “On the one hand…” “I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’m excited and scared at the same time.” Most of us have said things like this from time to time, but what do these phrases really mean? Internal family systems (IFS) is an approach to therapy […]
I Want You: Why Desire Matters in Healthy Relationships
Sexual desire may naturally wax and wane over the course of a relationship, but there are reasons why it’s critically important to cultivate that desire. Beth and Eli are typical of many couples. Since the birth of their first child five years ago, the challenges of working and childcare left little time, energy and […]
Infidelity: In the Eye of the Beholder
Are you guilty of infidelity? While the conventional definition of infidelity is an intimate act with someone who’s not your partner, there are many other things that can damage trust. Whether or not sex is involved, you can — perhaps unintentionally — cause an attachment injury with severe consequences for your relationship. An attachment […]
The Science of Happiness
Results of a multiyear study of happiness — the longest ever done — are in. The Harvard Study of Adult Development began in 1938 and has followed hundreds of people to help discover what makes them thrive. The research found that what made the most difference in participants’ lives, what made them happy, was […]
Help Me Help You
Making the decision to engage in couples therapy can be difficult. You might feel it’s an admission that you’re somehow failing as a partner, or that your partner is failing you. But reaching out for professional help is a positive step — it means you care about the relationship. Having made the decision to […]
Finding Your Unique Path Through Grief
Grief is a natural part of life. Inevitable losses — of a spouse or relationship, a pet, a friendship — can provoke pain and a sense of profound emptiness. While there’s plenty of well-meaning “how to” information available, grief is a unique experience for every individual, so being sensitive to your unique circumstances and reactions […]
Put Feelings Before Figures When Fighting Over Finances
More than four in 10 married couples in the U.S. report that they argue about money. So if you and your spouse are fighting about how much to spend on your upcoming theme park vacation or whether you can afford a new SUV, you’re not alone. Money fights are notorious for the stress they can […]