In a previous post, we explored the ways in which trauma from years or even decades ago could affect your relationship today. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is an effective way to combat those aftereffects and get your relationship to a more stable and satisfying place. The echoes of trauma can wreak havoc on relational […]
7 Happiness Habits for Couples
July 29, 2019 – 5:13 pm
Like most other worthwhile things in life, being happy often takes work — and that holds true for individuals and couples alike. Here are seven happiness habits that you can adopt in your relationship starting today. 1. Focus on Sharing Experiences vs. Things. Time and money spent on vacation, for example, versus a fancy new […]
Where A.R.E. you in your relationship?
March 7, 2019 – 9:03 pm
If you’ve ever attended a party celebrating a 30-, 40-, or 50-year anniversary, one of the most common questions asked of the couple is this: what’s the secret to a lasting marriage.Perhaps the couple has a formula of their own that is a testament to their relationship success. There are many responses: Never go […]
The Secret of Long-Term Marriages: Marital Friendship
January 16, 2019 – 9:41 pm
What’s the secret to longevity in a relationship? What are the behaviors and strategies that separate a 3-year relationship from a 60-year one? In other words, how does love last? According to Dr. John Gottman, it’s marital friendship. Marital friendship is the foundation in Gottman’s Sound Relationship House theory. The thing that sustains a […]
Are you and your partner stuck in a ‘demon dialogue’
December 12, 2018 – 2:36 pm
When we feel a sense of impending loss and isolation, there are usually three ways in which we respond. If we are happy in a secure union, we can easily accept our need for emotional connection and communicate those needs in a way that invites our partner to respond lovingly. Strained relationships, however, are […]
3 Revelations from Sue Johnson’s Love Sense
November 28, 2018 – 6:30 pm
Love. That great mystery. Musicians write songs about it, poets write poems about, and scientists try to discover and identify its inner workings. It’s no secret that love is an unruly, unpredictable, and powerful force. The driving force for many of us, whether that’s romantic or platonic love. But what is really happening when we’re […]
Two different approaches to Couples Therapy
October 11, 2018 – 12:53 pm
There were two marital research pioneers in the early 70s and 80s. Each quietly and painstakingly gathering data on what it takes how to create and keep happy lasting relationships. Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Sue Johnson’s work brought structure (empirical evidence) to previously considered unpredictable and chaotic couples therapy work. Today, Gottman and Johnson […]
Are You Suppressing Your Emotions or Your Relationship?
October 11, 2018 – 12:53 pm
There has been plenty of research done to show that suppressing emotions within a relationship also shuts down communication. One scientist who studies emotion, James Gross, found that when we try to suppress emotion: It essentially doesn’t work We often get increasingly agitated and tense, which is particularly true in close relationships. In a close […]
Are You Falling for These Five Marriage Myths?
August 9, 2018 – 4:23 pm
There’s an abundance of marriage advice available these days, a lot of it useful, some of it insightful, but a portion of it just plain wrong. According to Drs. John and Julie Gottman, founders of the Gottman Institute, these are what we call marriage myths. Age-old “hand-me-down” wisdom that, despite science’s best efforts, seems to […]
The Secret to Lasting Love in An Age of Instant Gratification
July 19, 2018 – 3:07 pm
According to Dr. Sue Johnson, we can boil troubles within a relationship down to a singular cause: a loss of connection met with a desire to connect. It’s our inability to effectively communicate that desire (usually due to feelings of hurt, guilt, or fear) that prevents the relationship from moving forward. From healing the wound […]